“Successful marriages and families are established and maintained on principles of faith, prayer, repentance, forgiveness, respect, love, compassion, work , and wholesome recreational activities.” - The Family: A Proclamation to the World
The Family Proclamation really gives us all great guidance on what we value in our families and how we need to be as individuals. I first want to start off speaking towards those in the ward who are not yet married. I know that each of you have had those days more than once, where you have thought about the qualities or attributes you want your future companion to have. Do they need to be tall, what color of hair is desirable, the color of their eyes, do they need to be an athlete, musician, or have all the money in the world?!
Today, I want you to think about these attributes that your future companion should have. Are they keeping their covenants, do they pay their tithing honestly, do they serve others, do they strive for perfection, are they attending church regularly, are they holding the priesthood worthily, striving to use the atonement of Jesus Christ often and follow his example, and most importantly are they striving to have a temple marriage. These are far more important if you want to be able to live with our loving Heavenly Father, his son Jesus Christ, and our families for eternity! Remember they want all of us to live our lives in such a way that we will be able to return to live with them.
The importance of marriage was taught through Jesus Christ on how crucial it is to achieve eternal life with our family is only through temple marriage. In Luke chapter 20:34-36 it says “And Jesus answering said unto them, The Children of this world marry, and are given in marriage: but they which shall be accounted worthy to obtain that world, and the resurrection from the dead, neither marry, nor are given in marriage: neither can they die any more: for they are equal unto the angels; and are the children of God, being the children of resurrection.” As Jesus taught we will live after this life but it’s only based upon our worthiness and through the temple covenants.
The New and everlasting covenant of marriage means- “marriage performed under the law of the gospel and the holy priesthood is for mortal life and for eternity. Worthy men and women thus sealed in the temple in marriage may continue as husband and wife throughout eternity.”
In Doctrine & Covenants 132:15,19 it reads, “ Therefore, if a man marry him a wife in the world, and he marry her not by me nor by my word, and he covenant with her so long as he is in the world and she with him, their covenant and marriage are not of force when they are dead, and when they are out of the world; therefore, they are not bound by any law when they are out of the world...19 And again, verily I say unto you, if a man marry a wife by my word, which is my law, and by the new and everlasting covenant, and it is sealed unto them by the Holy Spirit of promise, by him who is anointed, unto whom I have appointed this power and the keys of this priesthood; and it shall be said unto them—Ye shall come forth in the first resurrection; and if it be after the first resurrection, in the next resurrection; and shall inherit thrones, kingdoms, principalities, and powers, dominions, all heights and depths—then shall it be written in the Lamb’s Book of Life, that he shall commit no murder whereby to shed innocent blood, and if ye abide in my covenant, and commit no murder whereby to shed innocent blood, it shall be done unto them in all things whatsoever my servant hath put upon them, in time, and through all eternity; and shall be of full force when they are out of the world; and they shall pass by the angels, and the gods, which are set there, to their exaltation and glory in all things, as hath been sealed upon their heads, which glory shall be a fulness and a continuation of the seeds forever and ever.”
Here are ways to prepare for marriage, which any age can strive for as well!
1. Have Family Home Evening lessons about temple marriage
2. Hang up pictures of the Temple!
3. Participate in Youth, Ward, and Stake temple trips
4. Go as a family to the temple grounds
5. Have your parents reflect back on their special day when they got sealed in the Temple
6. Become familiar with the Primary Songs “Families can be together forever” and “I love to see the Temple!”
7. Go on Daddy-Daughter Dates/ Mommy-Son Outings
8. Read the Strength of Youth Pamphlet and Talks on Marriage, especially the ones found within the September 2011 Ensign.
M. Russell Ballard speaks to the youth saying: “ I encourage you to not be afraid of the future. Don’t let anything that’s going on in the world slow you down in your progress in mortality. Don’t be afraid to marry. Don’t think you have to have everything lined up. Don’t think you have all of the resources and finances “necessary” to enter into that kind of a commitment.”
Now I want to speak to those here who are married. Here in life is where we work hard on strengthening our marriages. We need to become unified with our companion. Satan does not want people to get married, especially in the temple. He has been working so much harder towards families. It is very tough to watch those who are sad within their marriage.
In the September 2011 Ensign there is a talk titled: “Repentance and Forgiveness in Marriage” By Richard Miller. In it there are 7 key principles that will strengthen your marriage. The first key principle is Repenting. In marriage we aren’t perfect beings on earth, because we are like the natural man. We make many mistakes, but that doesn’t mean we are not striving for perfection. The only perfect being to become like is our beloved brother, Jesus Christ. We have either done those mistakes intentionally or inadvertently, which results in our companion being hurt emotionally. We need to take fault for our actions even if it was an accident or it really was our fault. Thats the first step to realize what we have done. Elder Joe J. Christensen said, “ To develop a solid marriage, we must be able to admit we are sorry for mistakes we make…When conflicts in marriage arise, we should be swift to apologize and ask for forgiveness, even though we may not be totally at fault. True love is developed by those who are willing to readily admit personal mistakes and offenses.”
The 2nd key principle is Sincere Apology. This is very important because you need to be able to show that you understand you’ve hurt your companion’s feelings. A common example is, do not think just saying sorry without showing more compassion will clear everything up within seconds. Make the apology sincere, honest, and heartfelt, so that your spouse understands that you understand why they were hurt. It’s alright to apologize for the same incident more than once. It shows that you truly respect them as an individual. They should be treated as a special gift in your life.
The 3rd principle is strive to improve. We all have our weaknesses that need to be improved constantly so we can be the best person that is in store for us to become. In Ether 12:27 it says, “And if men come unto me me I will show unto them their weakness. I give unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them.” The number one thing is to strive to always keep your promises! I know by experience, how blessed I am to have an understanding wife. Listening is the first key that helps you improve on your mistakes.
The 4th principle Overcoming Pride. We need to humble ourselves. We need to be honest with ourselves and those around us. Take this opportunity to strengthen yourself and know that everyone can grow. President Ezra Taft Benson taught, “Think of the repentance that could take place with lives changed, marriages preserved, and home strengthened, if pride did not kep us from confessing our sins and forsaking them.. The antidote for pride is humility-meekness, submissiveness. . .It is the broken heart and contrite spirit. . .We can choose to humble ourselves by receiving counsel and chastisement. . .We can choose to humble ourselves by confessing and forsaking our sins and being born of god…Let us choose to be humble…”
5th principle is Forgiving. When my wife and I get in a disagreement and we realize we have hurt one another, but we don’t forgive as quickly as we should, we realize how important it is to forgive right away. Don’t let issues stop you from forgiving even if you know you're right, let it go. Remember we are here to grow and bring our family into eternity with us.
6th principle is Let go of hurt. This principles intertwines with forgiving. You haven’t really forgiven if you're still letting it bother you. Get rid of it as quick as possible. Let the love of Christ and your companion flourish and grow into your heart. My wife and I know that when we have accepted the apology and forgiven each other to move on our adventure throughout life. We should always remember we are a team. It’s a spiritual medicine that helps us to forget the pain and refocus on growing our eternal marriage.
The final principle is Relying on the Atonement. Let the Lord’s Atonement work through you. He sacrificed everything for us, so we can live with him and our families for eternity. He went through every pain that we would never have to go through. He prayed on his knees for 40 days and nights to let the Atonement’s power heal us spiritually. We can all have a happier marriage by allowing the atonement to be a real part of our lives individually and together as couples.
The Last thing I want to add are some helpful tips to keep us spiritually, mentally and physically healthy in our marriages:
1. Pray together every day and night, especially thank heavenly father for the covenants that bind you together and the love that you have for one another.
2. Ask For Forgiveness.
3. Never speak ill of each other. Speak positively about each other even around others
4. Defend the institution of marriage
5. Talk a lot and listen. Turn off technology
6. Treat each other with love and consideration
7. Counsels about marriage from scriptures and words of modern prophets
8. Serve one another. When you do acts of service it shows appreciation. And It’s a great way to show love. That is very important to my wife. There is a book titled: The 5 love languages By Dr. Gary Chapman this book teaches couples to find out what their love language is and how they can better show their love to one another. Acts of service is one that my wife appreciates. When I do acts of service for her it helps her to feel the love I have. We all have different ways that triggers how we feel the love from our spouse. Just by cleaning the dishes, and something as simple as making making the bed, or leaving her a love note, really lets my wife see that I love her. That is what Jesus did to show his love to everyone. He performed a lot of service to bring those into the gospel.
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