Conflict Resolution

Background on the issue:

For some time now, my husband and I have been experiencing some pretty big life changes. I knew that marriage would have times where sacrifice would have to occur but I did not think that it would be this early on in our marriage (we've been married 3 years), so I still consider that to be fairly early on! Life is definitely a crazy ride, one minute you feel like you are on cloud nine, everything is looking positive, and there are no major issues or ailments that are causing strain on your marriage. But, then the fun part happens, and life likes to take a turn on you for the worst. In the moment it really does feel like it is attacking you personally and it is so confusing as to why that actually is.

For my husband and I, this is what we are currently dealing with. We had our son and we both love him more than anything else in the world. And maybe that is the problem, because we dot't express our love anymore to one another. We do but it's different and we are currently working on this. Sometimes it can be just like a "hi" and "bye" type of relationship since we have been busy for quite some time now. Another strain is that my husband is on the hunt to find his career job. We moved back to my hometown, and moved in with my family. Now, lets take a look into how crazy it is going to be coming up: Jason graduates, finding a career job (do we want that to be here in Wisconsin or somewhere else in the midwest or anywhere in the U.S?), potentially moving out from my mom's house, busy with finishing up and continuing my degree, also while watching my son through being an online student, keeping psychically fit and eating healthily (diet/exercise), reading a book for fun (that's a hard task to accomplish sometimes), deciding when to have baby #2, do our duties, church callings, find time to go on a date, clean up, and help/serve others around us, and continuing to figure out/make more of our life plans/goals. There is just too much unknown and that frightens me and it's definitely testing me on a daily basis. It will all be alright in the end, I know that, and that is what I keep telling myself. But it is still hard, because let's face it, life is hard. 

Steps:

1. Where will the career job be located? Anywhere in the Midwest, and that could also mean anywhere in the United States. But do we really want to be here for the rest of our lives? How long will we really be here for anyways? We know that we need to save up money for our future. We want to be close enough to family to visit, but we also want to get our roots set somewhere new. But where is that? And sometimes it’s our own individual needs taking over. We are getting it figured out slowly but surely!

2. Contract- It has already been addressed, discussed, and talked about a lot lately. Since we decided to move back to the midwest for financial reasons (hence the reason why we moved back with my family), it has been this constant battle it feels like to have it work out the way WE each want it to be, instead of, what is best for US and our continuing growing family. The final time that it needs to be determined is by the beginning of the next upcoming semester, this coming winter, 2013.

3. The overall issue is that we each want it to our way, instead of taking into consideration alternatives to our situation. We are pushing and shoving for our way, instead of being more unified as a couple and little family. We need our strong ties to come back that we had at the beginning of our marriage!

4. I want want to be in live somewhere that has four seasons, and my husband wants to live somewhere warm. My family lives in Wisconsin and his family lives in Minnesota. We discussed that living in the surrounding states around WI and MN would be beneficial that way we are close enough to drive and we will not have to spend a lot of money on plane tickets. That way we can save up money and get us prepared for our future.

6. Agreeing to meet in the middle and to each meet halfway is the best agreement to make sure that we are each having our own needs/wants met. This is the best way to ensure that we can each have a little piece of whole pie. This is our most effective plan of action. And we'll be striving to implement this plan for how we continue to resolve our conflicts in a healthy way.