Father involvement, and even more
importantly the role of fathers is an interesting topic. As I have been able to
do my own research to find out what it truly means to have a father involved
within the family, it led me to conclude five topics that I find to be most
important above all else. These are topics which I believe every family needs
in order for happiness to be within the walls of their homes; because in the
end doesn’t every child need a father?
5 Points on the role of Fathers:
I will begin with the first topic, which is, what does it mean to
be an active father? From my Article
titled, The Role of Father Involvement in Personality Change in Men Across the
Transition to Parenthood it states: “While an active father gains rewards from
his involvement, he is likely to experience some disappointing consequences, as
well. The study finds that fathers of boys decreased in self-esteem across the
transition to parenthood. This change in self-esteem is predicted by father involvement
with his child, with more involved fathers declining most in self-esteem. The
difficulties of involved parenthood, however, ultimately may serve as catalysts
to healthy adult development.” Obviously it is safe to say that according to a
more worldly view, the role of fathers is diminishing greatly, and it will
continue to do so until changes are made in the way men handle themselves. To
be an active father, men need to have self-esteem and believe that they have a
purpose; that they are truly worthy to be not only a husband but a father as
well. That they can fulfill that role with honor and dignity.
The second point is living in the moment. A lot of times there are
two ways in which people live their lives. Either they are living in the past,
or living in the future. The most important way to find joy and fulfillment out
of life is by living within the moment, enjoying the journey, and never giving
up hope. If men want to be effective father figures, I believe they should be
striving to live in the moment, that way they will not miss out any opportunity
to see growth in their children or family. Once the moment is passed you cannot
get it back. That will then lead to guilt, and often times this will lead to
blame, resulting in not feeling good about the role you hold deep within
yourself. Staying positive and never giving up will help fathers to not only
feel more involved, but they will actually become
more involved as an outcome.
The third topic is remembering the divine role that fathers have.
Fathers are not only there to make money for the wives and children, but should
be there for his family through, providing, protecting, and presiding. Even
though I did not find an article from LDS.org, I believe that the article I
found can still correlate. I have always been able to tie in the gospel
principles with any piece of literature, as best as I can. For fathers, their
sole purpose is to care for and love his family. While the article doesn’t take
a gospel perspective, as long as men are remembering the needs of his family,
they will undoubtedly have lasting happiness as a family. It is especially
important that men are taking time to search for the important things that
matter to them in life, and working towards a common goal with their wives.
This will create bonds and ties that were even stronger than ever before within
the family.
The fourth topic is being selfless. While this can be incredibly
hard for men to achieve, it is actually possible at the same time. When you
remove your own personal needs and wants out of the picture, and take into
account the needs of others (i.e. family, children, co-workers, etc.) it
creates a better atmosphere where a family can feel at peace and united through
the bonds of love that they have for one another. Fathers play an important
role in this matter, and need to remember to push aside their own wants for
their children and also for their wife’s needs. Many men think they have all
this power, and that they are the “king of the house.” Some even try as hard as
they can to take in as much control as they can consume, until there is none
left. This type of attitude is not a selfless one and will take a toll on the
family. Fathers can still have the title, “man of the house” without the
control and power. By removing those negative attributes and striving for
becoming more selfless, families will find greater meaning and joy.
The final topic is, finding joy in becoming a father. From my
article I found this part to be most crucial above all else: “There is a need
for research to show the kinds of changes that take place in men when they
become fathers, and how variations in level of involvement are linked to these
changes. Once there is better information about the changes that occur, and how
father involvement influences those changes, the search can begin for solutions
to the dilemma of negative outcomes associated with greater father involvement
in child care.” I concluded from my article that it is a negative perspective
that is taken when men are becoming fathers. Their personalities change, their
level of self-esteem decrease, they are not able to function as father figures,
and don’t live up to their role as a father. I believe that from the article it
can be possible for men to find joy in the transition to parenthood. Even
though it is a scary time, it is also a joyous one. Adult development is
directly correlated to father involvement. As long as fathers remember to
always strive to find joy, their families will be touched with love forever.
Personal Experience with my Father:
For me personally, coming from a divorced family, growing up during my childhood years were a
bit different than other normal LDS families. My dad was unfaithful and
completely diminished his role as a father. He got himself into a big financial
pit hole filled with great amounts of debt, and is still to this day trying to
get himself out of debt (especially with child support). It will be an endless
battle that he will fight with financially. He owes my mother the most money of
all, and he may not even be able to pay her back all the way. The Family
Proclamation states very simply the roles of fathers and husbands and what it
means to us as members of the church.
Throughout the course of my life so far
I have not only been able to see the role my father played out, but also the
role of my grandfather, and now currently, my own sweet husband. While it was a
struggle growing up with such circumstances it has taught me the importance of
a true father and husband. I can lean on the example my husband is and it
testifies to me that the proclamation is true, and that brings me the greatest
joy in my life. My favorite part from the Family Proclamation is what I like to
refer to as the: "3 P's" Provide, Preside, and Protect. My husband
has been able to fulfill his role thus far in our marriage through providing
endlessly for me, presiding over all that we do in our home, and does
everything he can to protect me.
My own future family goals:
I know that as long as I make sure to live up to my own divine
potential that my husband will follow in my footsteps, and together we will
lead our family in love and righteousness. We are both equally connected on how
we will raise up our own family, and it is up to us to make sure that it is
done the right way with love and understanding for each other. I believe that
the Family Proclamation is the best way to ensure that my husband will have
active father involvement in the lives of our children. In the end all I can do
is worry about myself, I only have control over me. I cannot control or
overpower my husband for all that will do in the end is create contention.
Through prayer, faith, and hope, I know that my husband will fulfill his role
as father. I will conclude with this quote from Elder D. Todd Christofferson:
“We must be men that women can trust, that children can trust, that God can
trust.” It quite simply says what it means to fulfill the role of being a
father, and a father that is involved with his family eternally.
References:
Article: The Role of Father Involvement in
Personality Change in Men across the Transition to Parenthood. Alan J. Hawkins
and Jay Belsky. National Council on Family Relations, 1989.
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